I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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