Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
