He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
