You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
