In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
