Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Still dying that you shit outside
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
