Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
