hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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