JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
