Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
