the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Four minutes until I can fart!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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