pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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