i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
