I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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