The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
