I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
