She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
