i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
