"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Don't make out with my wife yet
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
