I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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