I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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