Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bring me that man meat
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
