One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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