yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
