I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
