I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
