i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
