Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
