What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
