no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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