I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
