Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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