508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
