the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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