You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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