Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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