They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
