just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
