you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
