i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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