yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
