I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
