it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
where are my eyebrows?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
