Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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