I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
