youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
