She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
