just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
