Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
