I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
