come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
