You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
