She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
