I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
