He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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