He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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