I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
